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Jokes
This is a list of voice emote jokes for each race and each gender. Because of the way player characters work, these lines are accessed via the /silly slash command. This is partially a descendant of "repeated click" responses from the Real time strategy (RTS) games, wherein you could repeatedly click on a unit and it would begin saying strange things after a few clicks. You can still get "irritation responses" from NPCs in World of Warcraft by repeatedly clicking on them. ;See also : *Flirt Alliance Dwarf female * "No they're not real, but thanks for noticing." * "I don't like to be underground. It reminds me of death." * "I like my ale like I like my men: Dark and rich." * "It's like my father always used to say: 'Shut up, and get out.' " * "My Uncle has brass balls, no really!" * "I give myself a Dutch oven pedicure every night. I've got no foot fungus at all. My toes are pristine." Dwarf male * " ... ehh, uhh, ." * "Ahhh, winter... Yes... Winter..." * ('Rip!') "Oh, I'm having a wardrobe malfunction! ('twang') Ooo, there's me hammer." * "I don't have a drinkin' problem! I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!" * "I don't drink anymore... course, I don't drink any less either!" * "I like my beer like I like my women: Stout and bitter." * "Oh, I'm just a social drinker. Every time someone says, 'I'll have a drink', I say, 'So shall I'!" Gnome female * "I apologize profusely for any inconvenience my murderous rampage may have caused." * "I've discovered that getting pummeled by a blunt weapon can be quite painful." * "You know... squirrels can be deadly when cornered." * "Some day, I hope to find the nuggets on a chicken." Gnome male * "You know, I really wish I had a garden where I could put a couple of human statues." * "I think that last Vendor short changed me. Oh, that was a bad one." * "I do hope to find some interesting gadgets around here. I do love tinkering with things." * "I had an idea for a device that you could put small pieces of bread in to cook, but in the end I really didn't think there'd be much of a market for it." ** This is, of course, a reference to the ever-present toaster. * "I'd like to give a shout out to my boys in Gnomeregan. Keeping it real Big-T, Snoop-Pup and Little Dees. Y'all are short, but you're real, baby!" ** All hip-hop rappers references. * "I look bigger in those mirrors where things look bigger." * "I like large posteriors and I cannot prevaricate." ** This is likely a reference to by rapper , using relatively abstruse language to rephrase a bawdy chorus lyric. Human female * "Why does everyone automatically assume I know tailoring and cooking?" * "Do you ever feel like you're not in charge of your own destiny, like... you're being controlled by an invisible hand?" * "Sometimes, I have trouble CONTROLLING THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!" ** A reference to where, after being thawed out from hibernation, he has a similar problem which he describes in a similar way. * "I like to fart in the tub." * "Me and my girlfriends exchange clothes all the time; we're all the same size." * "I can't find anywhere to get my nails done." * "I can't wait till this quest is done and I can look for another Garibaldi artifact." ** A reference to the TV show in which Sydney Bristow (played by Jennifer Garner) was often sent around the world to search for the artifacts of . Human male * "Cover for me! I gotta whiz behind a tree." * "So, an orc walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says 'Hey, where'd you get that?' The parrot says Durotar. They've got them all over the place!' " * "A duck walked into an Apothecary and said 'Give me some ChapStick... and put it on my bill!" * "How does a Tauren hide in a cherry tree? He paints his hooves red!" * "A guy walked up to me and said 'I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam!' and I said 'Relax man, you're two tents!'" * "So, I have this idea for a great movie. It's about two gnomes who find a bracelet of power, and they have to take it to the Burning Steppes and cast it into the Cauldron. They form the Brotherhood of the Bracelet. Along the way they're trailed by a murloc named Gottom, who's obsessed with the bracelet, and nine bracelet bogeymen. It could be a three-parter, called 'Ruler of the Bracelet'. The first part would be called 'The Brotherhood of the Bracelet', followed by 'A Couple of Towers', with the climactic ending called 'Hey, the King's Back!'" ** A reference to the trilogy. Erroneously, The Cauldron is in Searing Gorge, not Burning Steppes. Night Elf female * "You know, I have to keep moving at night. Or I'll disappear!" ** In WC3, Shadowmeld was a passive ability and when the night elf would stop moving at night, the ability would be activated. * "Actually, I'm more of a... Morning Elf." * "You know, Wisps are actually pretty useful for personal hygiene." ** Reference to "Colgate Wisp", a dental hygiene product. * "I think guys just use the Emerald Dream as an excuse to avoid calling me back." * (Sarcastically) "Oh, look, I'm dancing again! (Darkly) I hope all your friends are enjoying the show..." Night Elf male * "Last night I went to an awesome stag party." ** A stag party is another word for a bachelor party. * "You know those Ancient Protectors in Darnassus? They're not that old." * "Man, I was halfway through the Emerald Dream when I had to pee." * "Is that thing sharp? Could that thing cut me? I'm... not immortal now you know." ** A reference to the fact that when the night elves destroyed Nordrassil to prevent the return of the Burning Legion, they lost their immortality, as well as the common fantasy legend of elves being immortal in their forest. * "I don't know about you, but I can't understand a thing those Wisps say. I usually just nod." * "Who wants to live forever?" ** A reference to the fact that when the night elves destroyed Nordrassil to prevent the return of the Burning Legion, they lost their immortality; also the title of one of Queen's greatest hits, and this, combined with the "sharp" joke above, a Highlander reference. (Immortals in the Highlander universe could not die unless their heads were cut off, and the Queen song was used as the show theme.) * "What? I didn't hear that." ** A reference to elves having big ears and thus better hearing. * "I don't mind the Gnomes, but I'm always worried about tripping over one." Draenei female *"Why does everyone have trouble with the name of our people? It sounds just like it is spelled." *"How exactly do you crash into a planet? That's what I want to know." *"Yes, they are real, and they can cut glass." *"Single Draenei female seeks blacksmith with grinding wheel to take care of me and my gorgeous hooves." *"Look at my hoof! Does this crack look infected to you?" *"'Stop and ask for directions', I told him. But no, 'It's inter-dimensional', he says. 'What can go wrong?'" *"This planet has a tremendous supply of sandstone. The inhabitants must be wealthy beyond their dreams." **A reference to the TV show . *"I have a wonderful recipe. Bring two gnomes, two eggs. Beat Gnomes, separate the eggs- or was it... eh, details." These appear to have been removed since the Burning Crusade beta: *"Do Gnomes have a vibrate setting? I'm just curious." Draenei Male *"What do you mean 'there's an octopus on my face'?" *"I love this planet! I come here; I see cow and chicken and ride little horsies. THIS PLANET HAS EVERYTHING!" ** A reference to a comic act by Yakov Smirnoff. *"You know, our tails add to our natural balance and agility, ha!" *Loud noise of metal crashing to the floor* *"We have it all figured out. Step One: We land the Exodar. Step Three: We defeat Legion and go home... there is only one detail missing." ** Reference to the of . *"When we arrived here I lost many jewels that had been in my family for generations. If you could get your hands on my family jewels I would be deeply appreciative." *"We did not realize, but in Naaru language 'Exodar' means 'defective elekk turd'." Worgen Female * "Yes, I've tried shaving; it doesn't work. Trust me." * (howls) "I don't really know why we do that." * (coughs up a hairball and splutters) "Ahem... pardon." * "At least we don't sparkle." ** A reference to . The vampires' skins would 'sparkle' if they stepped into sunlight. * "I love Darnassus... trees everywhere." * "For the holiday, he tried to give me a bone. No...a bone. An ordinary bone. What did you think I...oh..." * (sniffs) " Mmmm that's like...(sniffs) is that bacon? (sniffs) Hey guys, I smell...(sniffs) Do you smell bacon? Bacon, anyone?! (sniffs) Oh, that's bacon! Bacon! Who's got the bacon?! WHERE'S THE BACON?!" ** Possible reference to Beggin Strips dog treats. * "Excuse me, could I just, uhm... sniff your backside for a second?" * "Something under your cloak smells heavenly." Worgen Male * "Come closer, I don't bite... often... usually... sometimes... actually, you might want to keep your distance." * "Since the change, I find I prefer my meat 'rare', now... Raw, even... Perhaps, struggling." * "It's nothing personal, I just don't feel that I really know a person until I've sniffed their crotch." * "So then she says to me: 'What big teeth you have'; I mean, what do you say to that?" ** Reference to Little Red Riding Hood. * "I love Darnassus... trees everywhere." * "Alright: I've got hairy palms. So what?" * "Worgen hard? Or hardly Worgen?" ** Reference to the saying Working hard or hardly working? * "I'll show you a full moon!" * "Did you know I'm a Worgen donor?" * "Are you into furries?" Horde Undead female * "You don't need deodorant when you don't have any armpits!" * "Yes, they're REAL! They're not mine, but they're real!" * "I'd paint my toenails, but I'm not sure where they FELL OFF!" * "Ah, doornails." * "I heard a knee slapper once, and skipped my kneecap right across a lake." * "You know, once you're dead, nothin' smells bad anymore. Rotten eggs? No problem. Dead fish? Like a spring breeze." * "This stinks." * "I'm in a rotten mood." Undead male * "Roses are gray, violets are gray, I'm dead and colorblind." ** A reference to a poem by Sir Edmund Spencer. * "I'm dead... and I'm pissed." * "Hey diddle diddle, the mucous and the spittle. The corpse sank in the lagoon. The murloc said 'mmmmm' to see such a sight, and the dwarf spanked the baboon." ** This is a referance to an English nursery rhyme: Hey diddle diddle, The cat and the fiddle, The cow jumped over the moon, The little dog laughed to see such sport, And the dish ran away with the spoon. * "Anyone have any odorant? Either 'Wet Dog', 'Fresh Garbage', or 'Low Tide' would do." ** A reference to the movie * "I can't stand the smell of Orcs." Orc female * "Darn, I need to get my chest waxed again!" * "I feel very feminine, and I'll beat the crap out of ANYONE who disagrees!" * "What's oestrogen? Can you eat it?" * "I have no respect for people with small piercings. I say go full hog. Put a spear through your head." * "Man. I think that boar meat's comin back on me. I gotta hit the can. Anyone have a hearthstone?" * "Get between me and my food, and you'll lose a hand." Orc male * (Sung)"I come from the Orcs. We eat with spoons and forks. We love to eat our pork!" * "It's not easy being green." ** Reference to a song sung by . * "Orc smash!" ** A reference to . * "Stop poking me! Well, that was okay." ** A running gag since Warcraft I. * "Man, dawg, you know, it's like I'm feeling you, but I'm not feeling you, you know?" ** A reference to on . * "I will CRUSH and DESTROY and... ooo... shiny..." Tauren female * "One time I laughed so hard I milked all over the floor." * "You know how hard it is to get your groove on with the spirit of your great grandmother watching over you?" * "In my native tongue, my name is Dances with Tassels." ** A reference to the movie . * "Happy Tauren come from Mulgore." ** A reference to the "Happy Cows come from California" commercials.Happy Cows in TV Commercials Tauren male * "Homogenized? No way, I like the ladies." * (Dryly) "'Moo'. Are you happy now?" * "Y’know, Tauren are born hunters. You ever see a Tauren catch a salmon out of a stream? It really is quite exciting. You ever see a Tauren stalk a python? 'Course you haven't. That's because Tauren are so adept at blending in with their surroundings." (Possibly a reference to the Tauren Rogue joke) * "Here’s the beef!" ** A reference to a Wendy's restaurant chain ad slogan, " " * "I know it seems strange, but I'm practically a cow, so why am I wearing leather?" * "Mess with the bull, you get the horns." ** A quote from . Troll female * Da way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but I go through da ribcage! * Strong halitosis be but one of my feminine traits. * I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. ** A reference to . * If cannibalism be wrong, I don't want to be right! ** A reference to the soul song * I got all this, and personality too. Troll male * "I've got a shrunken head: I just came out of the pool." ** Possible reference to an episode of Seinfeld. * "I heard if you cut off an extremity it'll regenerate a little bigger. Don't believe it." * "New Troll here." ** This is a reference to Warcraft II; every time a new Troll Axe Thrower was produced by the barracks, it would say "New troll here," to let you know it was ready. * "Cooking's done. Stew here!" * "I like my women dumpy and droopy with halitosis." This one has been removed from the game: * "I kill two dwarves in da morning, I kill two dwarves at night, I kill two dwarves in the afternoon, and then I feel alright. I kill two dwarves in time of peace and two in time of war, I kill two dwarves before I kill two dwarves, and then I kill two more." ** song " ", which was covered by Sublime. Blood Elf female * "Ugh I hate Thunder Bluff! You can't find a good burger anywhere." * "So I went to this troll spa the other day and I wound up with dreadlocks and a frigging bone in my nose! I mean come on! Who PAYS for that?" *"I went to Undercity to get a facial. Ha! Have you seen these people? I said, 'You don't have a lower jaw and you're going to give ME a facial?' She got mad...at least I think she did. You ever heard someone talk without a lower jaw? 'Rawe-rau-werew' Ho-ho! She sounded like a murloc!" * "Do you think the expansion will make me fat?" ** Most likely a reference to the Burning Crusade expansion, since Blood Elves were added in that expansion. * "So you mean I'm stuck with this hair color?!" ** This quote was from pre-Patch 3.0.2, which since included the barber shop. * "How can I miss you if you don't go away?" * "Mirrors can't talk. Luckily for you, they can't laugh either!" Blood Elf male * "Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to... *angry grunt* Just give me some freakin' magic before I kill somebody!" ** This is a reference to the ; the ending is "...and the wisdom to know the difference." This is also the prayer said in A.A. * "I'm trying to cut back on arcane magic... look, I got the patch." * "We're allied with the Tauren? Fantastic! We'll be having steak twice a week." * "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" ** A reference to the song " ". * (Sighs) "I could really use a scrunchy... yeah, you heard me!" * "So I was in line to the Bat Handler yesterday with some undead guy in front of me and all of the sudden he just lets one go! Didn't even try to disguise it! I don't know what he ate but it did not agree with him. I thought, 'What crawled up YOU and died?'" * "The problem with these Horde characters is they lack sophistication. *farts*" Goblin female * "Yes, I'm a gold digger... and copper and silver." ** Possible reference to song , though it is more likely a play on words, as a gold digger is a female who becomes a man's girlfriend/wife just to gain their finances and a female goblin would be not only a gold digger, but also a silver and copper digger because it's a reference to either the mining skill, or the primary form of currency in World of Warcraft. * "It's a sure thing! With the right bribes, anything is street legal." * "Listen babe. The world is changing. Everything these days is now, now, NOW, faster faster, FASTER, me, me, ME, murder, murder, MURDER! I'm a modern goblin woman." * "Independent? I still let men do nice things to me. But I stopped giving them any credit." ** Probable reference to song . * "I'm a free spirit. I don't like to be tied down. What? You mean literally? Oh no... totally into that." * "If at first you don't succeed: blow it up again." * "Skip to step three: profit." ** Reference to the episode: . * "I don't make jokes... I make money." * "Out of the way you nob''goblin!" Goblin male * "One word: plastics." ** An almost exact line from the movie . * "I dabbled in gold farming. But I couldn't get the coins to sprout. (chuckles)" * "Ooo! I got it! What if we were to ''organize crime? Yeah." * "She told me to tie her up and do whatever I wanted to her... so I took her stereo!" * "I am the little friend. Say hello." ** Reference to the movie where (played by Al Pacino) says 'Say hello to my little friend!' * "When in doubt... blow it up. (chuckles)" ** Reference to quote "When in doubt, C4".Jamie Hyneman quote * "Skip to step three: profit." ** Reference to the episode " ", were the titular gnomes' business plan is summed up as 'Step 1: Steal Underpants; Step 2: ???; Step 3: Profit'). * "I don't make jokes... I make money." * "Out of the way you nob''goblin!" * "My family comes from a long line of ''goblin sappers leaving their mark; my grandfather's was thirty meters across." ** Reference to goblin sappers. Neutral Pandaren Female *Let's see, uh, forward, down, forward, PUNCH! No... Down, up, kick..? **Reference to the character Chun Li from the Street Fighter video games, of whom the female pandaren is reminiscent. The button combinations result in special attacks. *I'm doing great! I could stand to gain a few pounds, sure, but who doesn't? *Oh, I have REALLY got to start waxing. *Of course we have thumbs! Look! *All these new cultures are so confusing! Today, someone complimented me on my 'padonkadunk.' What is that? Elvish? **Possible reference to Borderlands 2, where Tiny Tina sent you on a quest to recover stolen badonkadonks from bandits. Also reference the Trace Adkins song Honk Tonk Badonkadonk. Also it is a slang term for a curvy female backside. *I am a leaf in the wind... But like a big, tough leaf. With swords and magic and stuff. **Possible reference to the movie "Serenity" *I am mostly vegetarian. I only eat plants. And animals that eat plants. *If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, do not be ashamed, for you have aspired to greatness.... And the moon had it coming. *So I was talking to this tauren the other day.. No, I mean a worgen.. I.. No.. Wait, which one's a cow and which one's a dog? Ugh! All these talking animals are STUPID! **Reference to people complaining about talking pandas in World of Warcraft. *As your leader, I encourage you from time to time, and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. I promise you, here and now, no subject will ever be taboo. Except of course, the subject that was JUST under discussion. *The price you pay for bringing up my Pandaren heritage as a negative is... I collect your head! Now, if ANY ONE OF YOU HAS ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY, NOW IS THE TIME! **Kill Bill reference, presumed removed. Pandaren Male *Gotta store up some fat for the winter! I don't hibernate or nothin', I just like havin' it around. *Hey! You look like you've lost some weight! ... That's terrible. Have a dumpling. *Mighty is the wind, but you can still break it. Meditate on this. **"Meditate on this" was the closing to often absurd and nonsensical advised given by the master in The Frantics' Ti Kwan Leep (also known as "Boot to the Head") *Yeah... Mhm. We're gonna need a bigger turtle. ** Reference to the movie Jaws. *It is said: Elephants tusks will not grow from a dog's mouth. BUT, you can get em in there, you know, a little glue, some tape... It's fine. Maybe a rubber band. *It is said: To err is human... *laughs* Stupid humans... ** Reference to Alexander Pope's "An Essay on Criticism", "To err is human, to forgive divine." *Teach a man to fish, and he is fed for a day, uh no, uh.. He is fed, I.. I messed it up, but we just make this stuff up anyway. *How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? Meditate on this. ** A Stephen Wright joke *It is said: Everywhere is in walking distance, if you have the time. *It is said: If you cannot beat them, join them. I say, if you cannot beat them, beat them. Because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. Other Voidwalker * "I... am... Void.... where prohibited." ** Obvious reference to the legal disclaimer found in the fine print of rules for numerous contests. * "I... don't... like... this... place." Succubus * "First, we'll start with a little fire! *Fiery Sound* 'Am I bugging you?' 'I'm not touching you!' 'Am I bugging you?' 'I'm not touching you!!' There, now you're hot AND bothered. * "Don't touch what you can't afford..." Felguard * I play all my records backwards! !sdrawkcab sdrocer ym lla yalp I ** A reference to in music. Some Christian groups in the 1980s alleged rock musicians used backmasking to place satanic messages in songs. Imp * "You know we've had some real good times together but I really think I should start seeing other warlocks. Just a little on the side. No no no it's not you, it's me. I just really need my space." * "Oooooh, sure! Send the LITTLE guy!" * "This was NOT IN MY CONTRACT!" * "Can't we all just get along!?!" ** A reference to who commented on the L.A. riots of 1992 by saying (in part) "People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along? Can we get along?" References External links Category:Lore